


You Are My Home

by upstead_sails



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Chicago, Chicago PD - Freeform, F/M, Jay Halstead - Freeform, One Chicago - Freeform, Upstead, hailey upton - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:27:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29699148
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/upstead_sails/pseuds/upstead_sails
Summary: A 5-part series of one-shots based loosely on song lyrics and centered around Jay Halstead and Hailey Upton.
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton
Comments: 5
Kudos: 56





	1. My Sweet Refuge

After an unstable childhood, and in the midst of a demanding career, Hailey Upton has finally found her safe refuge.

Content Warning: Mild language. Brief mention of shots fired, rendering aid, and a fatality related to a case.

___________________________________________

You're my, oh, you are my, my sweet refuge

You're my, oh, you are my, my sweet refuge  
And I know the wolves keep circling  
But we'll leave them chasing tails  
'Cause you're my, oh, you are my, my sweet refuge

So I kiss farewell to drama  
My everything is you  
And after all the things that you've done  
Oh, your love's been proved  
I'm not going back there  
No, I've come to know  
You're like the sun that gives  
The moon its glow

My Sweet Refuge - Roo Panes

_____________________________________________

Four loud raps at her door awake Hailey at midnight, a crick already developing in her neck when she shoots up at the unexpected sound.

What the hell? Her half-asleep mind races.

She had fallen asleep on the couch after an emotionally draining case kept her awake the past few nights. It was an all-too familiar predicament; traumatizing homicide case, the slightly-too-hard-to-let-go-of kind, and the detectives at the 21st often found themselves paranoid and sleepless.

She shuffles toward the door of her apartment, blinking away her exhaustion. Her heart rate is sky-high; a combination of her sudden awakening and hyper-vigilance from the case.

Something between a chuckle and a sigh fall out of her after she checks the peephole.

On the other side, of course, is none other than Jay Halstead. She opens the door, peeking her head out first, a grin playing at the corner of her mouth. Her partner, however, furrows his eyebrows, probably noticing Hailey's disheveled hair and tired eyes.

"Shit... I didn't wake you up, did I? I paced around the district for a bit... but I just couldn't seem to get a hold of my-" Jay's rant is interrupted as Hailey opens the door and pulls him inside by his arm. For someone who's built rather small, she has quite the grip.

"A tangent in my hallway probably isn't my neighbors' finest idea of a Monday night." Hailey shakes her head and tries not to laugh, her eye roll unnoticed to Jay, as she turns to face her partner.

After kicking off his boots near the entrance, Jay sinks into her couch as if it's his own. "Right... Sorry about that..."

"Couldn't seem to get a hold of your thoughts? Like wolves kept circling you?" Hailey finishes his earlier statement. Her partner nods in her direction as she slings a cardigan on before joining him.

"Yeah... Me too. Couldn't sleep, tried to watch some TV, but the news kept popping up. Just decided to shut everything off and crash here." She gestures to her jumbled blanket on the couch that now covers her lap. "So I did wake you." Jay assumes, an eyebrow raised.

"That's beside the point... I'm glad you came." she throws back at him, a kind smile gracing her face. She turns to face him, sitting cross-legged with her back against the couch's arm.

Jay, now sunken into the pillows layering the back of the couch, turns his face sideways. "Yeah, well, yaknow. Just a part of the thing." He says, echoing an old sentiment of Hailey's from a few years back.

Her face just about lights up, as if she's the sun that gives the moon its glow. A light only Jay can bring out of her. A light only his presence exudes.

"How are you, really?" Jay remarks, shoving her knee slightly. A question Hailey almost always avoided... if asked by anyone else. But not Jay.

Genuine check-ins were fluid at this point, something that wasn't always easy to go about, but always ended in vulnerable, honest conversation. It was an outlet both of them previously avoided, that being trust and emotion, but now was one that they relied on.

"Seeing Jamison's daughter... like that? I just, can't get the image out of my head." She recalls, referring to Officer Mike Jamison, who's daughter was brutally murdered in an alleyway two days ago.

Hailey and Kim responded to the shots fired, as Jay and Adam were working an undercover case tied to heroin dealers. As Kim called 9-1-1, Hailey attempted to render aid to the seventeen year old girl, only for her to be pronounced at Med thirty minutes later.

"The way that family was practically hunted... followed, tracked, whatever you wanna call it. Especially a girl that young. Especially a cop's family. I can't seem to escape it." She continues, looking away from her partner.

Jay lays a gentle hand on her knee, her gaze fixing back on him. "Hailey, I'm sorry you faced that. I know these past few days have given no mercy, allowed no room to breathe." She nods, agreeing to that statement without hesitation. "You did what you could, and what you're feeling is valid, hear me when I say that." He finishes, gripping her knee a little tighter.

Tension automatically loosens from her shoulders. Jay's words always seem to draw out a deep breath from her, lifting even the heaviest of burdens. She flashes him a warm but meaningful smile, saying more than words ever could with the glimmer in her eyes.

"I guess, when I got home, I couldn't seem to shake the feeling of being followed. Something was set off in me... I don't know. It feels so stupid saying it now, but earlier, it was just... so real." She admits. Jay simply nods, his hand still offering its comforting presence to her knee. He could respond a thousand different ways, but he chooses to let her sit with the moment per usual.

"I get it, I've been there." He reassures. "When the wolves keep circling, you gotta leave 'em chasing tails." At that, Hailey cocks her head slightly, remembering her reference earlier. "When things surround us, we gotta leave them powerless. Can't let them consume us. And, if they do, we gotta have people to pull us out."

Hailey's expression shows more gratitude than any thank you, soaking in the sight of her partner as she remembers the one-too-many moments she pulled Jay out of what had consumed him, and vice versa.

Her smile now quivering as her eyes glisten. Something in her felt uneasy. It wasn't that she hadn't cried with Jay, God knows they'd both had their moments. It was that she wanted to be anything but a burden.

As if sensing her unease, once again, Jay gestures her to his shoulder. "Cm'here." He opens one arm as she shuffles into his space, her head resting on his chest. His once open arm now wraps around to her waist, almost cradling her figure. Another much-needed deep breath escapes her. She rests her arm across his stomach and waist.

In a split moment, a million little thoughts run through Hailey's mind.

This whole time, after all these years, it was always him.

It was always Jay.

Jay who sat with her through her breaking points.

Who let her air out pent-up emotion and anger.

Who somehow knew when she needed him without her saying a word, and wherever she was, he was there.

In chaos, when the bullets were flying.

It was always him.

She finally found her sweet refuge.


	2. Someone To Stay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay's PTSD is ignited by a devastating case, but will he realize he can no longer carry his burdens on his own?

*not a continuum of chapter 1*

__________  
****

**CONTENT WARNING, TRIGGER WARNING:** this is a big one. Please use your discretion while reading this. Topics include: school shooting and gun violence, PTSD, night terror, blood, fatalities, and more.

______________

_"You've been fighting the memory, all on your own,_  
_Nothing worsens, nothing grows,_  
_I know how it feels being by yourself in the rain,_  
_We all need someone to stay,_  
_We all need someone to stay,_  
_Hear the fallen and lonely, cry out,_  
_Will you fix me up? Will you show me hope?_  
_At the end of the day you were helpless..."_

**_Someone To Stay - Vancouver Sleep Clinic_**  
_____________

One. Two. Three. Four.

Smoke billows through hallways strewn with pages of paper, notebooks, backpacks, and bloodied footprints left behind. The details are stark, and the air is musty. 

Suddenly, the sharp, echoing sound of gunfire resounds through the once-lively hallways of Tilden High school.

A spine-shivering sensation weighs on the back of a man already burdened with full tactical gear and an Army assault rifle, ready to confront the gunman.

One. Two. Three. Four.

Boot-clad feet drop slowly, almost rhythmically, across the tile floors around a corner. In a split second, the two men come face to face and eye to eye. An M4 Carbine is now inches from an AR-15; both ruthless, unrelenting weapons of mass destruction. 

The AR is slowly raised to face the man in tactical gear, who now is staring down the muzzle similar to what he fires out of for a living.

One. Two. Three. Four.

The once fearless and strong man is down in an instant. A flash of images from earlier flood his head, young and frail bodies mangled by bullets, shrieks and cries heard from every angle. A wave of unconsciousness cuts out the noise in an instant.

_____________

 _Jay..._

A muffled, unrecognizable voice calls out from what feels like miles away.

_**JAY!** _

Again, but closer and clearer. 

A hand skims Jay's shoulder before he jolts up in a rush of realization.

"Hey, hey, hey... I'm here, it's okay. Look, you're in my bed, in my apartment. You're good, you hear me? Everything is good..." The kind voice trails off in the dimly lit bedroom, the detective now sitting upright. 

His head spins a mile a minute, his heart beating even faster. His blurry vision subsides, Hailey's figure visible beside him in the moonlight. "H-Hailey? God, I'm sorry, I just-" 

His groggy voice is cut off by her reassuring, soothing remark, her hand gripping his shoulder as she sits up with him. "Jay, it's okay, just breathe. Tilden again?" 

This was a familiar middle-of-the-night occurrence, since Jay was sent in to search a high school after a mass shooting that left eight students dead. The SWAT followed him to evacuate the students, but not before he witnessed the horrifying scene and arrested the gunman single-handedly after a two hour standoff. 

Jay's expertise was what prompted his solo-search, and his time overseas had prepared him to respond to calls like this, but his heart and mind were in a very different place with kids. 

He nods in response to Hailey, his hand moving to massage the bridge of his nose. Hailey's hand made the biggest difference sitting on his shoulder, a weight he wants to feel far more than the mental anguish that sits thick in his heart.

"I need some fresh air." Came Jay's voice, his eyes glassed over, fogged with images of four days prior. He pulls away from Hailey and stands at the bedside, slipping on the black jeans he'd left on her bench. 

His feet feel as heavy as bowling balls as they carry him to Hailey's small balcony. It's brisk outside, the cool wind nipping at his bare torso. His chest expands as he takes vital deep breaths. 

Hailey lets Jay have his space during these moments when he signals for it. But truth be told, out here on this balcony, his heart craves her presence. 

Years back, when sleep was stolen by night terrors like tonight, he fought memories like these all on his own, feeling stuck in a cycle that doesn't worsen and doesn't grow. Naturally, he had begun to rely on other means; sex, alcohol, you name it. Something to fill that void. At the beginning of their relationship, he was cautious to not let Hailey in too much. 

He'd seen what letting someone in can do, and once they leave, he's left again with the endless cycle of loneliness and poor coping mechanisms. 

But not Hailey. She's seen Jay at his best, and loved him at his worst. She's watched him crash and rebound a thousand times, both from mental and physical injuries. 

Through loss, trauma, and sleepless nights, she's been his rock. And he can name a few times he's stood by her through it all, too. 

_We all need someone to stay_ ; Jay knows that, Hailey knows that.

By the time he can collect his thoughts, he hears footsteps crossing her wood floors. Jay turns his head to face the living room. Right when his arms can't stand to be away from her any longer, there she is. Her unbrushed hair flowing over a pink t-shirt, and slightly oversized navy sweatpants dragging near her bare feet.

A kind, heart-warming smile adorns her face as she steps onto the balcony. Her arms naturally find his waist as she comes up behind him, pressing a barely noticeable kiss to his back. A deep breath escapes him as he places a hand to the arms around him.

A moment passes before her figure appears at his side, her arms not leaving his torso. Jay lets his arm fall to her waist and presses his chin to her head.

"How ya feelin'?" Comes her sweet check-in as her head leans up to look at him.

"Better now that you're here, that's for sure. Thanks." Hailey's favorite sight in the world appears, one she hasn't seen in a few days; Jay Halstead's smile. He feels a slight laugh at his side from the blonde.

"I'm serious Jay, how are you, really? Look, I know cases like this are near impossible to forget, but I want to know where you're at, yanno?" Her caring expression pulls on Jay's heartstrings, and a twinge of heaviness arises as he recollects what he saw that day.

He takes a deep breath and looks at the skyline beyond them. "This one's tough to let go of, Hails. I can't shake it. And I know that night terrors are just a part of the disorder, but this feels different. Those kids..." His voice grows soft and quiet, looking back at Hailey, who nods and squeezes her grip around him.

She squeezes herself in front of him, turning so she's in between him and the rail. She can tell that the hard-headed (more like heart-headed), compassionate, resilient Army vet and detective before her is calloused by the school shooting. But with the way she looks at him, his heart softens deep down.

"Hey, look at this city," Comes her confident voice, "Think of the ashes that day created, and how this city came together despite it. That day will mark this city forever, but you know what else will be remembered?" 

At that, his eyebrows raise, and she continues,"The detective who refused to let another moment slip bye without you entering that building. The one who shielded those kids with his life until they got out, one by one. Look at the ashes that day created, and see how it brought this city together. Look at the grief, and see that it created a movement."

Jay's fix on the city behind Hailey, the city he swore to protect. His shoulders tighten as he attempts to hide his emotions, but Hailey's sharp eyes catch his starting to glisten. 

His expression says all she needs to know. He needs someone to stay. In the thick of the night, and the break of day. And per usual, she's right. "Hailey, I- I just don't know how to move forward. At least not alone." His voice cracks, "I'm in the thick of it... and I feel like I can't carry all of this anymore."

"Hey, if you're in the thick of it, I am too. You know that. We move forward, regardless of the stumbling blocks. You're the strongest person I know, Jay. But we all have our weak moments, and that's okay. You _know_ I'm not going anywhere."

He did know. He knew with his whole heart, that **she's** his _someone to stay_.


	3. It Would Be You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A casual sunset stroll around Navy Pier leads to a heartfelt conversation.

*not a continuum of chapter 2*

_(Set just after Hailey arrives back to Chicago from New York City, including my own timeline of how Upstead could have started instead of 803+804)_

___

_If there was anyone  
I'd want to spend about 100 days with  
Layin' in the yard  
Staring up at stars  
Wondering where all the planes went_

_It would be you  
Only you  
We might not have forever  
No time for taking chances  
It would be you  
And always you_

__

_**It Would Be You - Ben Rector** _

___

There's almost nothing like it; Navy Pier on a summer day, filled with festivities and outdoor gatherers. Families, couples, friends, tourists, and locals alike stroll the infamous sight in pursuit of their own memorable evenings.

Sarcastic remarks, barely-brushing arms, genuine laughter, and occasional unnoticed glances, though? No, there's _definitely_ nothing like it. Not to Jay, at least. The slow whirl of the ferris wheel, the smell of hotdogs, the gentle flow of sightseers, and the glowing sun dipping over the water on the horizon couldn't compare to the soft, accented features of the blonde beside Jay.

"Earth to Jay..." her words are just as playful as the shove against his shoulder.

"Hmm? Sorry, got distracted." He mutters, a smile playing on his lips.

Her sun-tinted blonde waves of hair turn with her head as she looks up to him, their pace coming to a stop near the end of the pier. Her figure swoops in front of them as they both lean against the railing by the water. 

Well, he _has_ been distracted- for weeks, months- by her. And, if he was honest, he hadn't let the buzz of her return to Chicago settle. The closeness, the familiarity, the partnership, back where it belongs.

"I was _saying_ ," her dramatic voice continues, "Hudson River Park was nice, but I'd forgotten how _home-y_ , how exciting, this place really feels, really is," her eyes throwing a glance around the pier.

His eyebrow quirks up slightly, unnoticed by her, and he just cocks his head to the side to follow her gaze. "Yanno, if I have any say in anything, I'd _say_ you leaving put a damper on this city." She all but rolls her eyes at that, still comparing her memories of New York to the present moment. "Yeah, well, if I had any say in anything, I wouldn't have left in the first place." She remarks, slightly trailing off on a what-could-have-been flirty comment, but she stops herself before it could be even hinted at.

 _What is this? What are we doing?_ She thinks as a sigh escapes her.

Her lazy (but admittedly lonely) weekend afternoons in NYC were often spent near the Chicago-equivalent river. _Almost_ equivalent. Sure, the Hudson River Park had the water, the sights, the skyline, the tourism. It didn't, however, have the 6'1, freckled man standing before her. Her partner, her confidante- and, maybe more? She doesn't know. And neither does he, but whatever it's becoming is _good_ , really good.

New York was what she needed- for the time. But what she needs now is this. Anything else that comes with it will be a package deal.

___

The pink and yellow hues stripe the sky as the sun cascades over the shimmering horizon of Lake Michigan. Jay can't help but notice Hailey's jawline reflect the colours of the sunset, her blonde curls translucent from the beams of light. 

The silence speaks louder than words, really, and Jay's pretty sure he wouldn't want to be looking at any other view, but it’s the way she turns her head slowly back to him that breaks his trance. His lips quirk in a smile, and she's pretty self-conscious at this point that she's about to blush.

_What is this? What are we doing?_

She _could_ say one or both of these, like before, but she just leans against the railing and lets his thoughts unwind. She knows when he's deep in thought or zoning out blank, and right now she knows he has something on the forefront of his mind.

His tongue catches behind his bottom lip, an earlier conversation playing in his mind:

_"You ever wonder who you would spend about 100 days with, doing nonsensical things like star gazing on a clear night?" Her words randomly cut the silent air of his truck one evening, the day after she arrived back in Chicago. It wasn't really a tease (or was it?), but more like an inquiry, like she trusted him enough to air out her most blunt, specific thoughts. It wasn't like it had never happened, but this was a remark he didn't know how to answer, so he shrugged and continued on whatever track of thought they had going before._

A summer evening breeze draws out a sigh from him. His head tilts once again, his focused expression catching her off guard, and before she has time to shove him again or make some sarcastic jab, he says, "It would be you..." His voice is softer, mellower than usual. The tone she knows of those nights he sat at her countertop, talking her down after a taxing case, or sitting on her couch as she expresses vulnerability and grief.

Her eyebrows furrow. "W-what?", she manages. "Last week, in the truck, when you asked who I would spend 100 days with," His words cause a chain reaction in her mind, and her widening eyes show proof. "It would be you," He repeats himself. "In the moment, I brushed off the random question, but thinking about it again now, it would be you." It's as if he's processing the words as much as she is.

Maybe he's known for longer, but he's never been this sure, it _would_ be her. If tomorrow was the last sunrise, he'd want to stay up for it with _her_. He also knows there's no time for taking chances or tip-toeing now. 

Maybe she knows, too. Or at least, that's what her wordless response says as she crosses the space between them and her arms find the back of his neck, her lips meeting his just as quick.

It isn't a " _you wish_ " or a shove or a retort or some half-hidden answer from her. It's the furthering of the connection first made years ago in their partnership. It's crossing a barrier that was in place for far too long. 

The now-dim evening light silhouettes their figures on the end of the pier. Every distraction and noise fades beneath the appearing stars. Somehow, though, every touch and every re-position of lips is enough to send static through their bodies. Now that this threshold has been crossed, there's no going back, and that might be true if the bustling city didn't separate them and a bed.

In the past, Jay had always been cautious of physical touch with Hailey, never initiating anything without her welcoming it first. He broke the barrier of words, and it was her who broke the barrier of touch. Still, his hand placed at the small of her back is gentle. It's a presence, a warmth she isn't used to, but leans into nonetheless.

Something just _fits_. Maybe it's the trust that was established long ago. Maybe it's her small figure pressed up against his tall one, held by his arms, a missing puzzle piece neither of them had envisioned quite so tangibly.

The kiss is slow and soft, and it's a good thing tomorrow isn't the last sunrise, because Jay's pretty sure he could hold her just like this forever. His thumb inches under the hem of her shirt at her waistband and onto the skin of her back, and she didn't realize the effort it would take to suppress a shudder. When he feels her nails scratch up into his hair, though, is when he can't suppress his own shudder, the tips of her fingers tripping over chill bumps. 

Something of a laugh escapes her as she stands fully on her feet again. He skims his thumb over his bottom lip, blinking away the other-worldly moment they just left. His hand slips into hers naturally, gesturing toward the boardwalk. The distance from the end of the pier to his parked truck seemed rudely long,

The night sky ahead of them sparkles with the Chicago skyline, sort of like the glimmer in Hailey's eyes as she tosses a glance up at Jay one more time, hand-in-hand, the eagerness and anticipation fluttering in her heart.

No, there's _definitely_ nothing like this.


End file.
